But that's not the only factor. Here are some other things that I think have played a part:
1) These fucking mosquitoes are driving me mental. seriously, they can't get enough of me, every night I get massacred by the little flying devil spawn cunts, despite lathering every inch of my body with mosquito spray and it's driving me potty. I keep waking up in the middle of the night to a fresh cluster of bites so have to root through my bag to find the tiger balm to stop the itching. I really can't convey how much I hate them.
2) I haven't had a good nights sleep since Thailand. It started when I had to sleep on Bangkok airport floor before my flight to Bali and there's always been something to wake me up ever since, be it a mosque at 5am, building works, people talking, mosquito bites etc. But it's wearing me down. Right, this is a perfect fucking example of point 1, it's 3:30 in the afternoon (mosquitoes aren't supposed to bite until the evening) and in the time it took to walk from my bed with it's newly erected mosquito net to the kitchen to make a coffee then back to put some repellent on I got bitten on my foot. So now it's itching like crazy and will do for the next 10 minutes until the tiger balm kicks in. ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!
3) Everyone is getting engaged/married back home. Last weekend two couples got engaged from my group of mates, on the same fricking weekend! And I'm having to miss Rob and Nat's wedding later this month because I'm on the other side of the world... getting eaten by little flying bastards. And don't get me wrong, I'm really pleased for my mates who are settling down, but it makes me feel jealous sometimes.
4) I'm panicking about money. Right, let's just check my balance online before I go on.... Right I've got like 512 quid in the bank for this months budget, plus 750,000 rupees in my bag, which is like 75 dollars, so 50 quid so that's 560 pounds to last me 18 days which is 31 pounds a day. Now the reason why I've written this as I think about it is to demonstrate that every transaction; every time I look for a hostel to stay at, every time I order food, every time I plan what activities I want to do I'm constantly worried that I'm over spending. And I wasn't worried before, I was just thinking, fuck it, I've got plenty of money and if I go into a bit of debt then so be it, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. And the knock on effect is that I've started saying no to doing things, which is dumb. Also, on the subject of money, I got messaged by a French girl I met in India telling me how expensive South America is. She said something along the lines of a basic dorm in Chile costing 10 pounds a night. As I've reverted back to a budget of 800 pounds a month instead of a grand a month that means I only have 25 pounds a day to cover accommodation (10 pounds) food (3 meals lets say 9 pounds if each meal is 3 pounds each) transport between places and whatever tours/activities I want to do. And I've also got to survive Australia which is apparently like 8 pounds a pint! Fortunately I've got accommodation semi covered as I've got family and friends that I can call on but I don't want to miss out on doing things just because I'm worried about the cost compared to how much I was paying in Asia.
5) It's just started raining. You couldn't script it!
6) Ok, the last few points have been kind of trivial and/or obvious, if I think about it a bit harder, I guess this stage of my travelling is a bit of a loose end. I'd planed Bahrain, India and china, then when I got to Asia I'd planned to see Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia and all the time I was constantly doing new things and learning new skills. Then it was a bit of a blank canvas until Australia. So currently I'm travelling across Java, somewhere I haven't really researched and don't really have a plan for.
7) I've been spending a lot more time on the internet recently keeping my blog up to date and Skype-ing folks back home. And every time I see stuff on facebook, see my little nieces growing up and every time Lillerz makes me laugh on Skype it reminds me of what I'm missing out on.
1) Research Java and detail what I want to achieve in the next couple of weeks. Same for Australia, I need a plan otherwise I'm just going to end up bummimg around in Melbourn for 3 weeks!
2) Get some heavy duty mosquito repellent, start eating Marmite every day and use my mosquito net every night.
3) Stop worrying about money, try to not spend money on crap like beer, chocolate, junk food etc and spend it on activities and tours. That's what I'm here for after all!
4) Research doing some charity work in South America. This will a) give me something different and rewarding to look forward to b) save me money and c) give me a genuine dose of culture that hasn't been watered down by the tourist trail.
Having said all that....
It's not as if I've been having a shit time doing nothing the past few weeks. I've jumped off a 12 metre cliff into the sea, learnt to surf, learnt basic German, been up a pretty impressive volcano (I'd never been up one before), had my first 'hot bath' in 7 months and seen some amazing fish while snorkelling in Bali. So I guess it's been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster these past couple of weeks. I don't want to use the wanky term of 'bi-polar' but I'm definitely going through some up and downs.
So there you have it. Proper little rant that eh? Hope you liked it!
Oh, and one more thing, I know I have some die hard blog fans out there, my sisters, parents, Rob, Lillerz, Phil and Chall, but the only reason I know that is because they each took the time to tell me. I know it's not exactly Shakespeare I'm writing but I do spend a fair amount of time writing this blog so it's really nice to get the odd message now and then saying that people are actually reading it :-)
PS, I feel a lot better now I've got that off my chest!