Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Top Quotes (not for the easily offended)

These are some of the funniest things I've said/heard whilst travelling. Obviously you had to be there for it to be as funny as I found it but I'll try and put some context in:

1) "How's the Dental plan here mate?!" - Me, in Udaipur India, to a guy with all of 6 teeth left in his mouth. He didn't speak a word of English.
2) "That is a shot load of pissed off muslims!" - Jim, my dutch travel buddy, in Jakarta Indonesia, when hundreds of locals walked down the main road protesting about the price of petrol.
3) "That's fuckin' booshit maaan" - Jimmy, a 13 year old asian kid at the kung fu camp in China, said to our master whilst the rest of us where trying to concertrate on Cheng dong. I was giggling like a school boy for ages after!
4) "Are you Happy?" - Said like a million times to me and Rob by this uber gay guy in San Ming China. Think he may have mistranslated the word 'gay' when he learnt English and took the old meaning.
5) "C***" - Conner, a welsh guy from our hostel whilst playing bowling. He dropped this C bomb just as the music when silent so everyone in the place heard!
6) "Have you been to the reading festival?" (Reading pronounced as in reading a book) by some random American doosh bag.
7) "What do you reckon, shall I carpe diem the shit out of this mate?" Wade, in India when offered to take a local guys Bullet (motorbike) out for a spin
8) "Can you pass the concent milk" Ulgar in Vietnam when asking for the concentrated milk. I found this funny as it was as if the milk required permision in order to be milk!
9) "MASIA" - said by a russian guy who only knew about 6 English words, but for some reason knew the word Massia, and for an even stranger reason thought that I was his massia!
10) "Do you do karma sutra?" - Wade, in india, said to a security guard after being shown a temple with loads of karma sutra carvings.
11) "Are you a ladies man Tan?" Me - to a 70 year old tuk tuk driver somewhere who, again, didn't speak any English other than to tell us his name - Tan.
12) "Don't hold your ass boy!" Jimmy, the 13 year old asian kid at the Kung fu camp again.
13) "I pull this face every time I have cream coming out of my mouth" Wayne - a really cool American guy I was travelling with. Technically he said something slightly different, but that's what I heard!
14) "That's one of the benefits of being a complete retard" said by me while explaining that I don't get stressed about dates or names
15) Pete: "What's brown and sticky?" Cathy (Aussie girl): "A poo on stilts?" Said during a barrage of jokes from me.
16) "They can't think inside the box" Cathy, the same dipsy Aussie
17) "Isn't Steven Hawken that guy who fell off a horse?" Cathy, the same dipsy Aussie
18) "I want to rent a girl and service my dick" - Said by an Indonesian local in respect to the day of silence that was taking place in Bali (where you have to stay in your room all day and can't use any power) 

1 comment:

  1. Pete pete pete, your memory is shot. All those girls you keep 'slamming' must be doing something to the size of your brain. A) Were from NZ, not Aussie. B) Cathy didnt have the sweet poo comeback to your joke and I even had to ask my dad last week what fuck is the difference between Steven Hawkins and Superman. However, if whoever said those things is 'dipsy', sure deffinatly say it was Cathy ;)
    Enjoy South America! x